It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
