forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
we made out on top of his cat.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
love makes seman taste better
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
