why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Watching her eat just hurts me
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
