dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
