I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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