she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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