I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
