i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
