I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
