I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
