I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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