with your own penis?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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