I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
