At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
