a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She even gives head with a lisp.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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