does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
