all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
