You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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