you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
