Barsexuality is the new black.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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