i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
