Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
