time to smoke my breakfast
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
