Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
