I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
