he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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