I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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