Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
