is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
