fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
