sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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