her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
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I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
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We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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