Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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