I wish I only lived at night.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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