Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
