The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
