wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
