Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
