I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
