Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
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A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
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Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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