I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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