Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
