I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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