I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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