I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
