I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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