O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize