you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
