i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
tonight lets celebrate not being married
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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