that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
