I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i dont even know how to be here
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
