textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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