you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
