Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
