I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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