What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
