I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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