Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
