You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Congratulations! We have a period
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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