Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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