i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
