Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
