Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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