One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
