I just made out with a guy for $7.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
it glows. i had to have it.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
