I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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