wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
