Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
